I am NOT giving up. By writing this entry in this volume I simply make up for lost time, continuing the chronicle that is my Moleskine journal. On this stormy summer night I should be adding to the pages and pages in my already used, already familiar and loved little rectangular companion, but instead I worry. It's been over a week since I left Moleskine #1 near Big Sandy Lake in the Wind River Mountains, and in those 10 odd days any number of things, forces, people have probably been acting on that poor little black book. Like this angry wind, for example.
It became an attachment- every day for two months (or as faithfuly as humanly possible) I wrote in my Moleskine. Mundane, day to day details from my work, party shinanigans, mother daughter trips, metaphysical crisis, you name it, it happened and was dutifuly recorded in my record. When I realized this piece of memory, or, I guess, this puzzle of compiled memories had been left out to die, my heart screamed. It was like losing a friend. I tried to rationalize, distance myself, even forget my horrible mistake, but losing my first moleskine felt like a solid punch in the gut. I'm writing you now, still woozy, to say that I will survive the loss unabashed but will not lay my search to rest until I confirm the life or death of that book.
Many people don't need a written record of their lives to achieve contentment, but journaling is one of my newest addictions. Since graduation, recording events in my life gives me the bitter-sweet feeling of being in control, however false that may be. In an increasingly accute sense, I feel time slipping through my fingers, slipping through the cracks in my mind. I'm an adult (Shocker). Soon, I will be living independently (Huh?).
To relate this to a book I am currently reading...Isabel Allende's novel, In the House of the Spirits, journals become a collective family history, outliving their writer and her memory. The journals become a "repository for the spirit." In a few words, I desire that same transcendence. Now transcend me back to my other moleskine, dammit!
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