I just visited the high school. Weird. Returning books and DVDs, sample college essays to Mrs. Stanbury. I made it through without too much sappy goodbyeing- just a good chat with Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Primrose.
Is it bad that for the last few weeks I've been kind of sneaking around, trying not to be noticed? Mentally and emotionally I left this town a month ago. I'm tired of explaining myself, explaining my plans over and over again. Is that selfish? Too many words spoken, not enough lived and breathed. I am ready. Now.
All of this excitement and anticipation is so naive on one level, likely to be confronted by reality. I'm certain that I will miss my friends and family, my room, homemade dinners form the kitchen on Carpenter, but not now. Not yet. As curmudgeonly as it may sound, I'm getting tired of, even annoyed by some of these familiar things. I just want to check those boxes, get on a plane, and be done with it all.
I get my wish tomorrow at 5:15pm. How surreal.
Checking boxes, finding myself back at LVHS, it seems like a chore now- but in four months I'm sure I'll gravitate back to Lander. There will always be familiar faces, memory, unfinished business waiting for me here. Being in Lander feels both comforting and controlling. I'm ready to put roots down somewhere new, but feel thankful not to consider myself permanently uprooted upon departure. Lander will always feel like home.
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